Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back! *In my Mase voice”. Hello to all my avid readers, it has been a while and I do apologize. I have been consumed with work, life, and my new business that actually turned one in December! Wow, how times flies. I hope you all have been good and time has treated you kind. I was actually prompted to start this new blog post because I felt vulnerable. And what do I like to do besides talk my love one’s heads off, WRITE. I’m very much an expressive human and today I’m definitely in my feelings. I actually wondered why, and then I looked down at the date that quickly approached. The anniversary date of my very first surgery. Hints the title You Are Not Your Scars.

Life

On so many occasions I catch myself taking for granted this special thing we call life. Well in October 2017 all that would change for me. I would never think that I would have to go to a kidney specialist in my thirties. Nor did I think I would be told I would need back to back surgeries on both of them. The crying session I had when my doctor told me there was a 90% chance the mass on my kidney’s could be cancerous killed me that day. Geez, I’m tearing up now just thinking about it.

Not My Life

Their was absolutely no way I could have cancer, I’m only 30. I’m about to close on my very first house. I haven’t had any kids yet, hell, I’m not even in a relationship. Every thought you could think of ran through my mind and with all of those accompanied tears. Matter of fact, lots and lots of tears. This was suppose to be a quick and easy consult so I came alone.

Not knowing I would need the strength of someone who loved me to keep me standing, to keep me strong. The scheduler in my doctor’s office asked me when I wanted to schedule my surgeries? I asked her if they needed to be performed as soon as possible or could it wait a month until after I close on my house? A little piece questioned if I would be able to live in this house, better yet build a life in it. I mean seriously this couldn’t be my life right now.

The Aftermath

If you have been with me for a while then you know that I came out on the other side ok, because of my post on Buying a Home for the First Time. I had my first surgery November 2017 and my second surgery March 2018. Both successful and only one mass contained cancerous cells that they were able to successfully remove. Thank be to God for watching over me, placing amazing family, friends, and co-workers who helped me through one of the toughest times in my life. I was out six weeks for each surgery. And as I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T as I am, this journey I could not do on my own, nor would I want too. Although I was unbelievably thankful for not only TWO successful surgeries, I also hated the road map left behind on my once perfect stomach. 😩

You’re So Vain

So let’s keep it 💯here, I was a VERY confident women prior to my surgery. Heck, some people actually thought I exuded confidence. Then the road map of scars changed all that, literally. I actually thought that after I was healed I would revert right back into my confident self. Well let’s just say that didn’t happen.

You go through life as a child not knowing the word imperfection. Then as a small kid you start to realize the way people see you affect the way you see yourself. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you are still trying to “find” yourself. Now as an adult fresh out of my very first surgery, my doctor tells me the new protocol post surgery. He advised me that I had to wait a year after surgery before I could have my stomach out in direct sunlight. Little did he know, a year was just the beginning.

And would you know it, my post surgery body was just in time for crop top season. Like, come on God, let’s not play these games. 😑 Anyone who knows me already knows I’m normally the chick that would rock whatever fashion was in at that time, but the crop tops, let’s just say I could not get jiggy with that ish.

You Are Not Your Scars

So, let get right into the real reason why you are here reading this post. Over the years I slowly started re-accepting my new body. I’m sure you’re asking yourself “why re-accepting?”. Well I can easily explain half of it in my post Body Shaming is REAL Stupid. The other half of it is simple. I had to accept my new body, scars and all. At some point in my journey I realized that I am more than my scars. My scars do not dictate who I am or my life. It’s simply a story of my strength, my journey, and a small chapter in the pages of the book I title My Life.

Then something happened today. I was outside taking pictures for my business Blogging Over Everything in our new long sleeve Love Yourself crop top shirt. I looked at some of the pictures I took and I hit, delete, delete, delete, and your guessed it, DELETE! I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself, why in the world would she delete any pictures?! Their is absolutely no way she, as in me, could take a bad picture, right?! WRONG! I looked at myself in those pictures and you know what I saw? SCARS!

Nothing but scars, I surpass the original reason why I was actually taking the picture and fell in a hole of insecurity. I was so insecure in fact, that I sent the picture I was MOST insecure about to my mom in a text and simply asked her “what is the first thing you see in this picture?” As any mom would say in true fashion “belly button”. 😂😂 I absolutely love my mom!

As beautiful as my mustard crop top was laying against all this beautifully moisturized brown melanin, I could not get past my scars. I had become courageous over the years. I was actually able to save myself from buying crop tops by telling myself I was too old to wear them. 🤷🏽‍♀️😂 But then my customers voted yes on a survey I took or new inventory ideas on Instagram.

Who am I to tell them no? What my customers ask for they usually get. So that meant me, “the model” would be getting in a crop top today! Although I did LOVE the pictures that showed my scars clear as day, I couldn’t post those to my Instagram page. What would people say? Then I said to myself “Vee, you are not your scars”. Which is were my motivation came from to tell my truth and let go of baggage I didn’t realized I was still carrying.

Overcome Your Fear

Although it is now over four years since my first surgery the memories and yes the scars stay with me forever. At some point you have to realize that you are human. We are not meant to be perfect and you can’t allow society to dictate what you value as beautiful. With that being said not only am I going to take the plunge and post the picture of my scars for the world to see on Instagram, but also on my blog. This is the FIRST time that I’m coming out of my shell and being brave enough to let the world know that I love the skin I’m in and I’m not my scars. How will you overcome your fears? Is there something that you have been too scared or nervous to let people know or see?

Do It Now

It’s 2022, if not now then when? If I can do it so can you. I mean really, it’s better you do it now than to wait another second, minute, day, week, month, or year. Tomorrow is not promised but their is one thing I promise you, it will feel liberating. Not only am I accepting of my flaws but I also have a good man in my corner that loves me inside and out, he is even promoting me wearing a bikini, if we ever get to go on a real vacation with this pandemic still going on. Can you picture me in a bikini with these scars all out? 😲We will find out, I will update this post the moment it happens!

Fall in love with the real you. Accept where you are. Show up for yourself, and allow everyone that loves you to meet the whole you. The you that you may have felt inferior to show before today. You might actually be surprised at their reaction. Anyone that truly rides for you already knows your flaws and the things that scare you, and if your friends and family are anything like mine, they have accepted you long before you felt lesser. Long before you thought you weren’t beautiful. Even long before you realized you are not your scars. It’s time to start healing process right now.