Not Tuh-Day Satan

Now typically this would be my normal weekly rant. But today or shall I say tuh-day is not your typical rant. I have officially reached my 20th rant everyone! 🎉💃🎊🤸‍♀️ So needless to say this week’s rant will be little special. I want to do a mixture of different rants that I feel are needed at this time. So enjoy today’s rant of Not Tuh-Day Satan.

**Full disclaimer the rants that you are about to read are rated PG-13. The words that are about to come out of my mouth is for grown ups only. You have been warned.**

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So what this means is, you have legitimately hit the rant jackpot today. I’m about to give you life with a few different rants all in one post. Some rants from me working today others from coworkers, and some from other days I’ve worked. All in all, just get ready to enjoy a little retail therapy.

You Greedy

In some retail stores the companies graciously give you some extra nice goodies to take your merchandise home in. (Granted, yes you technically already paid for it, but it’s the gesture people.) Some stores give you reusable bags, others give you tissue paper to make your purchase look like a gift. While others will give you a cute jewelry bag to carry your small items home in.

So of course in daily retail fashion my nightly shift once again came through with inspiration for my rants this week. Per usual let’s play this scene out.

The Conversation

Let me first set the scene, we are less than 30 minutes away from closing. I am hanging up clothes from the fitting room when I hear a voice say……

Customer: “Ma’am”

Me: “Are you ready to check out?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am”

I walk up to the register already annoyed.

Me: “Can I get your phone number?”

Customer: “It’s xxx-xxx-xxxx”

I proceed to ring up 5 pairs of earrings and a pair of pants. I reached over and pull out a little jewelry bag to put all the earrings in. Customer’s friend and/or family member says something in another language and next thing I know everything changes.

Customer: “Can I get a bag for every earring? They are going different places.”

In my head the question that I’m asking myself is….”I’m sorry did this just turn into a gift shop?”

Me: “I don’t think we have that many” (Cuz honestly WE DON’T)

Customer: “Well do you have two more?”

I pull out 2 more bags and started to put a earrings in the bag.

Customer: “Do you have 2 more?”

In my head once again I say to myself, 🤬 didn’t you JUST say 2 more just 2 seconds ago? Are you hard of hearing or you playing dumb? Are you not computing what I just said! We don’t have that many bags!??

Me: “There is no mo” 😒🤨 (Serious straight face with the don’t 🤬 with me tonight look.

Customer: “Oh, oh it’s ok. That is good.”

Hands customer her bags with a smile.

Me: Have a goodnight

Like WTF just happened? Our company is kind enough to give out jewelry bags for jewelry and because it’s free you want to take advantage of the system. Naw playboy, Not Tuh-Day!

Moral of the Story: Don’t take advantage of the system. Be grateful for what you got instead of being greedy.

Picky By Nature

Now this next rant also happened to me today. I promise you I can’t make this stuff up. I’m going to set the scene for you just like I did before. I’m folding some pants at one of our tables when me and a customer locked eyes. So naturally being the great associate that I am, 😏 I spoke.

The Conversation

Me: “You finding everything ok?”

Customer: “Ummm, do y’all not carry smalls?”

PAUSE! What the hell kind of question is that first of all????

Customer Continued: “I don’t see any smalls. It goes from extra small to medium. Does this dress not come in small?”

Me: “Ugh, yeah, all of our clothes have smalls.” (Smartness)

At this point I’m making my way over to the dress because clearly you need help if you asked a crazy question like that. As I sort through the rack I see her still “trying” to look. I went through no more than 2 dresses when I found hella smalls in there just chilling!

I love it when I’m looking for something for a customer and they continue to “look” and then magically they find what they were looking for before me. If you had no probably looking WITH me you should not have had a problem looking by your 🤬 self.

Customer: “Oh there, I see a small”

In my head I’m thinking to myself…How the hell can you see that it’s a small from all the way over there and you couldn’t find any smalls while you were all up in the rack?? I digress. So I grab the small and hand it to her.

Customer: “Oh this one isn’t good the strap has strings hanging. Can you find another one?”

BIIIIIIITTTTTTTT🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 you got to be 🤬 kidding me. You can’t read the word small on a tag but you can all of a sudden see these tiny ass strings hanging from the dress, that wait for it, you couldn’t even reach?!!!!

Me: “Let me see if there is another one.” 🙄😒 “Here is one.”

Customer: “Thank you”

Disclaimer

If an associate goes out there way to help you, and you become a thorn in their side, Pa-leeese believe they keeping an eye on you. We want to know where you are and what you are touching because clearly your ass is way too picky to just pick up an item and go. So we know your about to be a tornado walking through the entire story.

So I watch her carry a handful of items into the fitting room. One of which is the dress that I helped her with. About 10 minutes later she walks out and only has one item in her hand. Now ladies and gentlemen how much would you like to bet on the item she actually carried to the register?

If you said it was the dress I helped her with you would be WRONG! Feel free to Zelle, Cash App, Paypal, or Venmo me my money right on over. Chick ended up buying a whole other dress, and guess where all her other items were? In the damn fitting room!!! Waiting on me to clean up after her. After I catered to her ass and got her the one 🤬 dress that didn’t have 2 strings hanging from it.

Moral of the Story: If you want to be picky by nature, have the money to back it up!

You’re Not THAT Rich

I swear I love it when customers come in and act as if they are too good for our merchandise. They have there little Michael Kors shopping bags or some Off 5th bags and they walk in as if they are God’s gift to retail. Well, I mean, I guess you are since you’re keeping them in business! But let me tell you right now, WE (ie. associates) don’t care.

The Conversation

So the customer walks in, on the phone no less, talking loud as hell. Per usual we welcome him into the store and make sure he doesn’t need help with anything. WHY? Why did we even ask?

Associate: Are you looking for anything in particular today hun?”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah I need to find a shirt to go with these shoes.”

The customer then proceed to bring out some fresh Gucci’s that he just bought. (Purely off of flexing).

Associate: “Ok, so what kind of shirt would you like…”

In the midst of her conversation she get’s cut off by the customer having his own conversation. Yup, you guessed it, still on the phone. 😒

Customer: Yeah, man I bought those Gucci shoes, still shopping, tryna find a shirt.”

Associate: “Sir, what do you think about this?”

Customer: “Man you know me, money ain’t no thang.”

Associate walks away.

You Rude

1. Now how do you enter the store on your phone.
2. Proceed to STAY on your phone while you’re asking for help.
3. Don’t NOBODY care about you, yo “money” or those damn Gucci shoes!!!

You either want help or you don’t. We don’t compete for attention in this store. We don’t get paid enough for that. Real talk though, if you had allll this money, and it ain’t no “thang” why didn’t you buy a Gucci shirt? Huh? Why you up in the OUTLET shopping for clothes.

Moral of the story: You not that rich if you in the outlet looking for clothes, so check yo self fool!

No Money No Merchandise

I’m sure we have all been in the store at one time or another when we are waiting in line and the person in front of us card is getting declined. Or better yet they know how much money they don’t have and have to stand up at the register and watch the associate ring up each item to see exactly how much stuff they are going to make the associate put back.

This happened to me at work tonight. I rang this kid up and his total came up to $320.29. Now I know that might sound like a lot but the guy had a full suit, a vest, three button up shirts and two ties. So for a total of $320 I’d say he got off with a steal.

Well clearly he didn’t think so. If you have ever worked in retail then you know when your customer don’t have the money. They start getting REAL antsy and staring down the screen as if that’s going to make the number go down or better yet go away.

I tried to be the nice associate and offer up a store credit card. From the looks on his face I could tell he was interested. But at the same time I could also tell by looking at him, that he didn’t know one thing about our store and who knows when he would ever shop in a store like this again. 🤷‍♀️

It took him ten whole minutes to decide rather or not he would apply for the credit card.

Customer: “What’s the catch? What’s the small print on the card that they don’t tell you?”

I grab the credit card booklet, opened it up and showed it to him.

Me: The only thing that I see is the high interest rate, but that’s big and bold, so I’m not sure what’s in the small print that they could be hiding.”

Customer: Naw, I’m good, maybe next time.

Me: Ok, so $320.29.

Like dude I could seriously careless if you get the card or not. Either way this total is either going to get paid or it’s going to get voided. I get paid either way. Needless to say he pays for his total and walks out.

Moral of Story: Don’t let yo eyes be bigger than ya wallet.

Per usual, if you liked this rant please check out my other 19!