You Need a Ph.D in Dating

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Most women my age end up elevating mediocre boys into amazing men. Who then end up leaving us for a woman who could possibly be a twenty. And by twenty I mean a woman who isn’t made up of half the woman you are, BUT will steal your man by making him THINK she’s a eighty. A eighty is YOU! A woman who takes care of home, has a job, well versed in life, takes good care of her man in all areas, you know, the wifey! And if you didn’t know and you’re single, You Need a Ph. D in Dating.

Dating is NOT what it use to be. You remember the stories you use to hear your grandparents talking about? Hell, even some of our mom’s and dad’s. About how they met and it was love at first sight. How they’ve been together now for fifty years, so on so forth? Well now we have relationships like Fifty Shades of Grey 🙄. Let me just let you in on a secret, even that fairy tale ain’t happening in real life.

Dating in your Thirties

Dating in your thirties looks soooo different. It’s nothing like the Hallmark channel. If you’re in your thirties right now and you’re single, you probably feel like you’re all alone in the world. Especially when you grew up in the early nineties where we had dial up internet and the only cool games on a cell phone was snake 😂. Dating in this new era with all this technology could make you crawl in a hole and hibernate like a bear.

If you think you’re just gonna wake up one day and meet prince charming, you will be greatly disappointed. Dating takes a lot of work and even more patience. It could be geographic, I mean, do the men that do not reside in the south have an easier time committing? 🤔 I’m asking for a friend. 😂 Because anyone that I know who is currently on the market have found nothing but guys who either intentionally want to waste your precious time or does it unintentionally. Either way, we are stuck wasting time we will NEVER get back.

I look around at all my friends from college. Some happily married, others happily divorced, and some happily single. And I think to myself, is my generation literally over the idea of real, true, honest commitment? Can we not have that old school love? The one that can outlast the hands of time? You know the ones you see on TV? That Hallmark love that never fades. I mean I know it exists, but is it now only one in a trillion? Seriously tho? I need answers my friends.

Let’s Play a Game

Now a days when you meet someone you’re interested in, you have to play these STUPID mind games. I’m sure we all know them because we’ve definitely took part in them rather we wanted to or not. You know the one’s, the waiting to text back. Or the going Dutch on a date. Let’s be real here people, a man TRULY interested in you would not allow you to pay for your meal. Especially if he asked you out. The Dutch situation will be up for debate later in this series but for now let’s keep the games going shall we?

You also play the game of “it’s not you it’s me”. Like seriously?! Who still uses that line? 🙄 Or we have the guys who allow us to THINK we’re “dating” but really yall are just two friends hanging out on a consistent basis. There are the guys who actually want to be in a relationship but don’t realize how broken they are until they meet you. Funny how that shit happens. Then we have the guys who don’t want a commitment at all! They literally just want to be friends with benefits. You know the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”? Yup! Still got those guys running around.

So when exactly do you ACTUALLY start dating? I mean is it after the weeks of talking and texting on the phone? The dates that you DON’T go Dutch on? There are definitely levels to this shit. Now all I can do is give you my perspective on where I stand in the whole dating process, and you can use my stance on dating or not. I mean there is a learning curve  when it comes to dating now anyways. 🤷🏾‍♀️

The Process

The first stage is Talking. To me talking is just that. Two people who are trying to get to know one another. This could consist of talking on the phone or texting. Then you have dating. Dating is what it sounds like. Two people who go out on dates with each other. So not only are you talking on a regular basis but you are actually making time to spend with each other doing things that both of you like doing. But at the same time dating means you are allowed to date other people. No questions asked.

The Tricky Part

Then comes the tricky part. The most complicated part in the dating process is when both parties mutually decide they are going to be in a committed relationship. It’s not like back in the day when you wrote on a piece of paper, will you be my girlfriend? Yes, No, or Maybe? Although it was cute back then, it was also simple.  Now it’s just complicated as hell. Dating now, one person could be thinking they are in a committed relationship  while the other person is still in the “dating” stage.

When do you have the conversation? Do you have when you know for a fact you don’t want to date anyone else and you don’t want your significant other to either? Or is it after you’ve been dating for three months? Is this even a conversation people have anymore? Or is it assumed? Because we all know what happens when you assume something….

In the Perfect World

In the perfect world dating would go a little something like this, you talk for a couple of weeks. You know, get a true feel for one another. Then you mix things up and go out on dates for a couple of months. During that time you would know for sure, that there was some serious physical attraction there. After a few months of dating you come to a mutual understanding that the both of you would like to learn more about each other exclusively. Then you date for as long as the both of you feel comfortable. Next step is the engagement, marriage, kids, and then happily ever after.

Too bad the world isn’t perfect, especially when it comes to dating. Crazy enough, most of what society deems as a “perfect relationship” nowadays is nothing more than games. And by games in essence I mean the back and forth of the idea of “forever”. You jump into a relationship with someone because society has told you that after ex amount of time the next appropriate step is engagement. When in actuality there really isn’t a timeline when it comes to dating or love for that matter. Real talk, when you know you know! I know couples who have dating ten years got married and was divorced in two. At the same time, I also know couples who dated for three months got married and have been married fifthteen years and counting.

Take Your Time

As you can tell there is not a mathematical equation that will give you the right answer when it comes to dating. You just have to take a chance on love and hope you get it right this time. I know for me personally, when I decide to date and actually let a man in and be vulnerable, I risk the chance of being hurt. But that’s apart of finding love. You just have to take your time and hope that the person you decide to let in is as serious about getting to know you as you are about them. I really wish there was a step by step manual on dating in this era, but unless you can read minds you just have to go with the flow.

Looking for the One

I’ve been personally looking for “the one” since high school. When my yearbook teacher Mrs. Rose told me that there was a fifty percent chance that I would meet my husband in college. And I want to be clear, by “looking” I don’t mean literally. What I mean by “looking for the one” is being aware of my surroundings. Noticing the potential in the amazing men that God put forth in my life. Rather if it was for a particular reason or for a season. I didn’t want to brush them off or never give them a chance because I wasn’t ready.

I think in life we naturally pass over really good, genuine people because we are looking for the perfect person. The one society has told us we needed or better yet this fictional person we made up in our heads a long time ago that no REAL human being can measure up to. I’ve always had an eye out for “the one“. But with social media and children having children these days, I think my mind has set aside the idea of everlasting love for the time being and settled more on better myself for my future husband.

Right Now

Where I stand right now, I want something organic. I don’t want dating to feel like another job. I want it to be created purely off of light hearted fun. Just two people enjoying life while conveniently getting to know one another. I would love dating to be like it was in high school. I mean, can you remember talking on the phone for hours and it legit only feel like minutes? You fall asleep on the phone because you couldn’t imagine being separated from each other? That unforgettable connection. A connection so strong you fear you’ll never feel it again with anyone else.

I want to find “my person“. Someone who never judges me, is understanding, call me out on my bullshit, and always has my back. Someone who isn’t scared to show me their real side because they know I’m accepting of their mind, body, and soul. I want that “it’s us against the world love“. That kinda love is just not found anymore. In order to have that real love, truly find “your person”, fulfill that forty year marriage you legit need a Ph.D in dating.

TO BE CONTINUED…..

This is just the beginning of the series! Stay Tuned for more! Comments are ALWAYS welcomed. Let me know what you think and any suggestions for my next post.

If you want to know how this series started check out my pilot!

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